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The Savvy Woman’s Guide To Decoding Men On Twitter
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Think Twitter is just a place to get your news, your laughter, your celebrity death updates, your validation, your dose of high school politics, your anger, your social interaction and your memes that have already appeared on Reddit? Well, it’s not! Twitter is also a great place to meet single men and/or man-children!
You’re a savvy, together lady who definitely doesn’t spend a typical Thursday night eating ice cream while staring in a mirror scowling in disgust. You’re used to dating in the real world. You’ve skimmed an article about “He’s Just Not That Into You,” you know what to expect about when he’ll call and what a 1 am out-of-the-blue winky face text means.
But, you’re asking yourself, how does that translate to twitter?
Lucky for you, we’re here to help.
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If he’s a bigger account than yours who DMs you but doesn’t star or RT you?
What It Means:
He must think you’re funny and interesting!
Except…here’s the thing, if you’re funny and interesting, why doesn’t he let everyone know that by RT’ing you, or at least let you know that with a star-valanche? It’s because he’s being watched- possibly by his wife, his girlfriend, or any of the 15 other girls he’s also calling “cute and funny” or even, dear god, “an old soul.” He might be able to throw you an occasional star on a particularly good tweet and get away with it, but if he does a few in a row, he’s going to have to answer a lot of questions from people you’d rather not know about.
In Real Life He’s: That rich older guy on a business trip who invites you to come see what his hotel room looks like.
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If he’s always there starring and @ replying every tweet, regardless of whether you respond?
What It Means:
He likes you. He wants your attention. And he has definitely at least once pathetically whined that girls always SAY they want nice guys but date douchier versions of Chris Brown.
In Real Life He’s: That “friend” who always asks you what you’re up to every night and once tried to kiss you and then pretended to just be drunk.
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If he only stars your @ replies to him, but never your tweets?
What it means:
He sees you, he’s polite, and if you don’t mind, you’re kind of blocking his view of the hot chick who just walked in.
In Real Life He’s: The crush you’re distracting yourself with so you can keep avoiding real relationships with guys who actually like you.
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If he only star your selfies?
What It Means:
Girl, you know what this means, don’t look for us to tell you something else.
In Real Life He’s: That scrub, hanging off the passenger side of his best friend’s ride trying to holler at you.
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If he stars and interacts with you but doesn’t star your selfies?
What It Means:
He respects you as a person. Or at least, that’s what he wants his wife to think. Ok fine, he might not be hiding a secret relationship. Some guys want to make sure they never come off as creepy, so they avoid this potential landmine entirely. What it DOESN’T mean is that he didn’t see it and hasn’t looked at it hourly since you posted it.
In Real Life He’s: Asking you politely what you do for a living while never ever looking down from your face even if he loses a contact lens.
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If he RTs your selfies?
What It Means:
Know that one outfit you think you look kind of hot in but your best friend claims you just look slutty in? Yeah, that’s that selfie. We’re all for empowerment, you post what you want to, just know some guy with a mullet now has it as his screen saver.
In Real Life He’s: Probably in jail.
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If he doesn’t star you, ignores your @ replies, and doesn’t follow you back?
What it means:
He’s not playing hard to get, you’re just playing hard to get it through your head.
In Real Life He’s: Just like your dad, isn’t he?
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